My Inclinations from my childhood till now: Religiosity, Spirituality & Rationality

Let's dig out the inclinations from my childhood till now.

I can divide my main inclination into 3 periods:

1. NOSTALGIC ABOUT CHILDHOOD IN VILLAGE AND A SUFI:

I was very nostalgic about my childhood in the village a couple of years ago. This state started from 2012 and 2013  when I was in Ireland to 2016. I was comparing  Waterford land areas to my village. Though it was different in terms of cleanliness and greenishness, there were still areas I could think of the same as in my village. I admire too much the things we had in our village. The freedom I had to go anywhere with my dog, picking berries, kandi, toot etc., swimming in ponds. We have a big 'kot' or a house which has many amenities (I will write in my diary) including many semi-machines. We had many types of pets and animals; rabbits, swans, hens, pigeons, goats, buffaloes, cows and a parrot also  . We have lands to cultivate not only wheat and rice but watermelons, barley, googro, tomato, chilis and other vegetables.   so this all taken-back me, how great it was.  For many years, amazed by movies and technologies, I was hoping for a long time that one day I would be able to  see my past days in the village.

Turning to my interests, when we moved to Karachi, initially I was amazed by the story books and magazines.  ‘Ankh macholi’(hide and seek), ‘Nonihal’(childhood), ‘Taleemo Tarbiyat’(Education and training) and many others were my favorites. I was reading religious books a lot. Read the Quran with translation, and many other books on Islamic read ‘kashful mehjoob’ on Sufism and many other books.  I have written a collection of ‘ayats’ on many topics. I made a file in which I was sticking ‘our heroes’ pics and posts about Pakistan, patriotism, Islam etc. I was listening to Friday Sermons and Tuesday and Thursday sermons and speeches by religious preachers. 

I was watching state television PTV a lot. I have made a schedule of all programs aired from starting at 5pm to 9 or 10 pm. Very later I had 2 channels to see PTV and STN or NTM.

When visiting my village every year during vacations for some months, I listen to radio stations for Sindhi and Urdu songs. Indian songs and classical ‘Ragas’ at night and BBCs news at 8pm regularly. Later when FM stations started, i was listening to those whole nights.

A monthly ‘Roohani digest’ (spiritual digest) was my favorite for many years. I was also reading books from my father's bookshelf. Those were hard to understand but I was feeling something great when reading. I was reading newspapers, Sunday magazines, and later books on nationalism, history, personalities, literature. 

Later the time of PTV and other channels increased from 5 to 9 to 24 hours.  More tv channels opened in 2008. Initially whatever programs were aired, I watched them all, later I had to make a choice. Including PTV’s long plays which were a trip to heaven for me, and Pakistani  movies on PTV, STN and Indian movies  on VCR in the shape of cassettes. Initially I hated Indian songs and movies . I have written a list of movies and songs copied by India. but with time, I got out of the state propaganda against India.  I was fond of  comedy  programs and cartoons. Very later I started reading books often and obliged myself to purchase some books every month. I started watching talk shows.  In newspapers, we were getting ‘jang’(war) newspapers. Later my father started ‘Dawn’. I started reading columns in addition to news.  My favorite columnists were Nadeem Farooq Paracha, Abbas Nasir, Babar Sattar, Hassan Nisar and many others. I was spending too much time playing games on my pc and Sony PlayStation brought by a relative from Saudi. I became addicted to such programs on politics, history and current affairs that in Ireland during studies, I started watching those again secretly in rooms of the college. The Pakistanis living with me s were of opposite camp who are alluded and brainwashed by ARY news and likewise fake news tv channels. Unfortunately majority of Pakistanis are brainwashed by the state and compelled mentally to buy the arguments done on these tv channels, despite these channels lost their case in UK and other European countries.:

2. HUMANIST TO EXTREMIST RELIGIOUS

In our village we have a mosque and practice Islam but it has nothing to do with extremism or blind following of orders for hating people from other sects or religion. There were many Hindus living in the city near us. They include very good doctors, shopkeepers, and teachers. There were ‘OAD’ who construct buildings with mud called ‘od’ in Sindhi living near our village. It was humanism, equality between all the peoples living there. Later in the 90s suddenly we see many preachers come from Punjab, they make more mosques, more offices, preach Talibanism, eventually the small libraries and places where we read books, perform cultural events vanishing. In our village mosque also an imam was appointed for prayers despite we had our own. Gradually people are brainwashed to hate others more than Muslims even other sects than Wahabis. I was not so much engaged in these activities. One reason we moved to Karachi and visited my village and city on vacations but in Karachi also there was strong propaganda everywhere which made me religious and nationalist. More than nationalism and patriotism, I was fanatically religious, practicing every prayer, taraweeh, fast in the month of Ramadan ,have a beard and was against my father’s opinion about equality. I will write in detail about this later but it influenced me a lot.    

3. RELIGIOSITY TO SPIRITUALITY AND SUFISM

Later gradually my thinking, belief system and opinion changed from extreme religious and nationalist to Sufism and socialism. I was influenced by the left, the books of Sabte Hasan made me a supporter of socialism but more than that I believed in the Sufism philosophy of equality, minimalism and simplicity. The age in which I should have been motivated or energized to work hard for making money and fame, I wanted a life of ‘a darvesh’ or ‘a faqeer’. That influence made me so lazy, lethargic and lacked the fire to ‘do something’. I was interested in study arts, literature but instead of fine arts, my father and people around me suggested strongly to pursue education in science which lead to engineering than I caught in this rope till masters, never finding any way to pursue the field i was interested from childhood. Therefore in the university of engineering and technology, I loved to create items to present as one man show in University events and was going to the library of arts university to read books and had friends there.

 In addition to this, as I was reading books on Sindhi nationalism and later learned of the true history of Pakistan, I became a proponent of human rights and a staunch supporter of secularism. I was interested in attending literature festivals, music festivals. All the way till I went to Ireland and returned to Pakistan in 2015 and till 2018 when I went to Sweden, humanism, secularism and human rights was my thing. From the end of 2018  when I became busy in delivery jobs for 2,3 years, I started listening to self help books. Watching programs about it, reading and listening to these types of books, I was addicted to this field until the start of  2022 when I stopped listening to them (It is a big story in my life and i will write on it how it brainwashed me and i hardly managed to get rid of this addiction). Now I have a hard choice to make in life whether to read and write blogs related to politics, history and social affairs  in which  

I Have keen interest and will read books (not got time from last many years and coming many years until I got visa and survival fixed) or write on spiritualism and philosophy  which is again my field of interest but loosely. The strange thing is I have an inclination to this discipline but did not save books on it except poetry by some sufi poets and a study on Hinduism, Buddhism, Zen on the internet. It will depend more on my experience of life about the second field. But I cannot diminish my interest to read books on History, Politics, Social and current affairs etc. 

There is a lot to write on this subject but I am avoiding it due to too much length of blog. Please comment, suggest and share. I will be obliged for your valuable comments. So do not hesitate to write anything you feel after reading this blog.

Thankyou for reading.

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Suggestions, Recommendations and Engagements are highly appreciated. 

Thankyou

Munawar Ali

Life and Figuring out meaning of Happiness

I wonder what is this life about; living for eating, drinking, walking, traveling, visiting places, serving already made relationships (parents, uncles, aunties, cousins), making relationships (friendships, marriages etc.), making a living in case if we have to, listening, reading, watching and a lot of verbs of you think of it. and then making memories of those experiences. For some we have pictures and for many we do not have like in my case due to non-availability of the camera or even non-availability of the intention to record or preserve it. Sometimes I feel so inspired, shocked and amazed how great it was. 

Like it's a natural tendency with everybody on this earth that whenever he/she thinks about his/her past he finds it better than present only except the time period of past where he/she passed through painful physical or mental suffering. But that negativity of perception also can be changed to positive thinking that it happened, but it is not happening now. Feeling it in any way you can choose. Sometimes, we are surprised by thinking about the past like 'Oh this happened to me?: "How lucky/unlucky I was", "Was it really happened or just a hallucination" and if this is concerned with another human, the percentage of believing in hallucination reduced. 

We always regard our past as a golden age. It may be due to the reason: We were children who had no responsibilities, and had to just play. In this sentence the word "have to" can have different impacts on our mind. We can think about it in many ways. One is in a pleasurable way, for example: "I have to taste that delicious pastry which I want to". The other is "I have to taste that pastry which I know may be tasty, maybe bad but presented to me by someone who I cannot refuse ". But for that age of children I think they do not "have to do" but "allowed to do" whatever they want. But later when they grew up they moved from "allowed to" to "have to". Not everybody's destined to agree with this but mostly it is the case. And later in life people are compelled by their "freeSelf" to say that " they can sacrifice all the money, fame and possession just to get that past, that golden age back". It may be like a sentence said in the movie Joker or a song sung by Jagjeet Singh and others that "get from me all my wealth and fame and give me back or return my child age". 

And remembering the past is so fascinating that it takes you out from where you are, turns your mind to shooting, relaxing and dragging you to experience a dream-like state. So when I remember my past it leaves me with surprise, astonishment and amazed at how great it was.

If I share the utopia or dream I have is that I should be at a place where I have no responsibilities towards any or if there is I do it not in compulsion but doing it happily. The place where I read books, write what I want , sip the type of liquid I want , eat the food I love, go with people I want and visit places I am fond of ,know places and theories I want to explore etc. 

Many say happiness is in giving to others like I saw a movie called ‘Sab se bara Sukh’ meaning the biggest Happiness/  . In that movie 2 friends got wealthy and started their journey to find happiness. They did everything that a human can think of getting joy, pleasure, happiness, laugh, whatever you name it but after experiencing with so many various doings, getting's and experiencing they found happiness in helping others. 

If it's helping others, is it impossible for one to make someone happy or solve his or her problem if he or she is deprived of basic needs. According to Maslow's law of hierarchy of needs, the basic needs to be fulfilled first for satisfaction and go forward with mental needs and wants. Acquiring even basic needs does not mean he or she will be happy for a long time . After accomplishment he or she could have some moments or days of happiness but again he or she is bound to feel void. And according to my experience, helping others can make you feel happy about the solution of the problem but it raises more problems when you feel 'this is the tiniest problem i have solved. if i talk about myself i was not in a good position to help others but i needed help more than that. Even if I solve someone's problem and I expect happiness in return, it is superficial. and without expectation it feels like mere work of daily monotonous routine. 

I have watched a drama in my childhood. Actually, I want to talk about it here. One was ``sukhan ji wasti' the valley of happiness or satisfaction or whatever you name it. in which a family was traveling from town to town in search of 'sukh' but they never found anywhere and the writer concluded the drama with this phrase 'there is no place in the world, where you get happiness'.

Likewise another drama in which there were 4,5 brothers. One of them was very straightforward. He lived a simple life. He was minimalist. but he got depressed and was admitted to Mental Asylum, a place for mental illness. After some months he became alright and they brought him home. He experienced that his brothers are fighting on property with each other all the time. and it makes the environment so cruel and unable to live for him like he was living peacefully in a mental asylum where he sees nothing of such type . such wars of egos. such trauma out of stress or manmade deprivation. so he decided to become mental again and this was his intention to become like that to go there. Therefore, he feels happy when he leaves his house and starts living in a mental asylum. I often resemble my personality with him. and i remember when my father did the second marriage and after my step sister, he had my step brother . after that I felt so much to ask them this 'i was the only son between 7 daughters so now you got another. please let me go . let me leave your house. it was very strange . I don't know why I am feeling this way. where I will go if I think about practical real meaning. 'So what is happiness? Of course material gain is the must for not only need but it can fulfill your wants. I was deprived and still deprived of money most of the time to even fulfill my needs but I don't know why I am not struggling so hard for that. What is that satisfaction that doesn't incite me to work hard consistently . I cannot assess how I should go for it, which is my need and want also. and can it be called satisfaction that i cannot work on it consistently or its called lethargy or laziness. or I am not finding the perfect way for it. Is there any perfect way?. also as i listen to a phrase in movie 'waking life' what is most influential character of humanity .is it Laziness or Greed but this is the main thing.  

But on some criteria, I will oppose it. In our type of society where it is stressed on family system one is obliged to do what the family wants or he is compelled psychologically to person such works or even have to think on the ‘lines  provided by his elders. In this way he is helping what his/her family wants and they become happy but he is not. He is trying to escape that mess, that prison, that obligation.  If this example is wrong, let me tell you another one. If you help someone without expectation though its hard and many cannot do it until their personality is changed after consumption of Buddhist or Christianity's example of ‘getting slap on other part of face’ )to find it.  So I do not think it's helping someone. May it work for someone but not all. 

The third and very important dimension is doing what you are supposed to do and this is the hardest thing I ever experienced but just in thinking not in action. It's because i could not due to family responsibilities etc. but i can feel that that is the real hope for getting true happiness. Let me explain it in the next blog. 

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SOME OF PITFALLS AND PROS OF “SELF-HELP books and audios”, I EXPERIENCE

 

THE DEEP INDULGENCE:

It was summer of 2021 when I was deeply indulged in reading, listening  to books, watching many many programs on self help. Some years before that I was aware of Mindvalley in 2014 or 2015. Then I was considering whether this company is assessing and looking for talented people for jobs. Later I learned that it's about healing people's stress by meditation, mind control and other psychotherapy type techniques. I listened to the founder of the company who often starts his story with being jobless, wandering in silicon valley, sleeping on the sofa not enough to sleep straight in his friend’s house for a few months and then how he becomes successful just following silva mind control methods and many other techniques and meditations he sells.  

BACKGROUND OF ATTRACTION TO MODERN SELF-HELP:

Meditation to me was sort of a spiritual practice. I have read books on it by Shamsuddin Azeemi, a Pakistani spiritual guru named ‘Muraqba’ and by Osho. Later engaged in listening to other self help motivational speakers who turned out to be different from him. 

I do not remember the exact time in my childhood or young age when I was involved in spirituality but after reading children’s magazines, Sunday magazines of newspapers, books on sufi poetry, I found a magazine called ‘Roohani Digest’. (spiritual digest). And during that time my relative and I came from Saudi Arabia. We both tried telepathy and some types of practices for these kinds of things like observing the candle light for half an hour to an hour time, reciting verses from holy books in opposite directions etc. just for fun and seeing the unknown or magic things or trying to make objects or bodies invisible. When I went through that spiritual magazine, I saw many people writing their meditation experiences of going into a world far from this earth, galaxies, space, meeting people from the past, the sages and the dead, angels and prophets. These experiences amazed me and instigated me to go through the process of excitement. In that I was also passing through psychological issues. It's a big story and I will write in another blog. I was in rage and wanted to beat or hurt my relative because he is more liked due to his cleverness or sharpness and I was disliked due to my politeness and non social attitude. But I recognized the mental issue I was facing and went to the hospital and they just gave me pills for sleeping. I was not satisfied with that so I went to the clinic, specified in spiritual digest. Actually the owner of this digest owns a clinic, a meditation center and he was son of a spiritual guru or a Sufi personality. His name was Shamsuddin Azeemi whose son Waqar Yusuf Azeemi started the clinic and digest. I went to his clinic, he gave me some medicine and told me to eat some 250g ‘jilebi’ , a sweet daily after receding something on it. Also I bought a book on meditation called ‘Muraqba’ written by his father. That was a great insightful book. Gradually I became a follower of him and I was given a task of 21 days of meditation and I had to send my experiences. I was excited to see some strange things, tour of space etc. but all this I was experiencing only at the level of imagining during meditation. Therefore, I left the practice but continued to read the digest every month. I was religious so after being fanatic like Wahabi, i became soft after reading this digest and books on Sufism and sufi personalities like ‘Kashful mahjoob’, poetry by Shah Latif, Sachal Sarmast, Baba Farid, Abdul Qadir jellani and many others. I was fond of Khalil Jibran books also but Khalil jibran, Osho and Rumi were presenting slightly different views of life and this world. Anyway, Later from 2008 I was following Ghamidi, Zakir Naik type of religious preachers, programs on tv like ‘alif’, ‘mazahib aur aqle insani’(religions and human intellect) etc  and in 2015-2016 I read ‘Power of now’ and then ‘The new earth’ by same author Ekhart Tolle. I watched a full series on her book by Oprah Winfrey show. I was watching ‘Leo gura’ , a YouTube channel that was influenced by Hindu philosophy. Later I read books by Wayne Dyer, Gary Zuko, listened to Deepak Chopra, Brian Tracy, Sandeep Maheshwari and many others. When I read books by Vishen Lakhiani of mind valley, listened to his talks in addition to talks by Tom Biliyu, Tony Robbins and then read books ‘Atomic habits’, ‘Think and Grow Rich’, ‘I will make you rich’, ‘I will make you thin’, ‘Monk who sold his ferrari’, ‘Budha and Badass’, 5 Seconds Rule, and books like these’, I found them very different than the writers and speakers i was listening before. But I was addicted to listening to them very often and tried what they suggested. For many months I was confused between the first series of people who recommend calmness, patience, everything come by its own, law of attraction, selfless behavior, service to people, detachment etc on the other hand the later incite to go hard with yourself to achieve goals, success, fame, scheduling, strict routine. During all those many years, I was amazed and felt at top when listening to them. It was like I made a bubble of utopia and I was visiting there while listening to these or reading such books. But in reality nothing has changed. I remember in childhood or young age, I had a set routine and I was doing the stuff regularly but when I read a few books by Dale Karneigi, it intrigued me to leave the routine and become free from doing stuff regularly. Many years later, I realized that his teaching ruined my life. I became lazy, lethargic and found refuge and crux of life in just release of dopamine by watching comedy, sensual type of videos and addicted to porn. I had a directionless life. These books incited me to give it direction but the ‘Why’, meaning and purpose of life’ etc. was still not clear to me. I was making plans, goals but double minded and  thinking to pursue or not pursue and importantly why pursue when some other spiritual guru says another thing. Then just taken away by the talk, a book and after that back to the same feeling of unease. It was like a booze time which elevates me and then when I wake up to see what has changed in my life. It was less than nothing. I was with my family, had to survive and support them but could not devise any way to make money. When one searches for motivational speakers, google opens a list of some of the above people but in the same category . But I would say that there are two categories; spiritual and self help. Spirituality to me is ‘you are not yourself  but a being. Here the ‘self’ means ego form which you can get rid of .You have to just surrender, be kind to yourself and others, be passionate, love what you do, and be what you naturally are and there is a higher power who will take care of all the other matters including survival and financial. On the other hand, self help is ‘help or take actions no matter if it's against your bodily or mental nature, be hard on yourself to become something you want. There is no higher power but you and only you who can change your trajectory’. Briefly If I write what I learned from both the categories,  i would say what spirituality offers is:

Stress-free life.(If you understand and experience deeply, you will find a space in you, which is so huge that it can take all your worries, tensions, anxiety and it left you empty to react to any matter or person. It's a complete surrender. It regard life as a dream, a game or an experience)  

On the other hand all the later personalities i have stated above incite you to do things for which you are not destined to do or reach there. It may sound like it is deviating your thoughts from rationality but it defines rationality in a different broader perspective.

If one looks for solutions and way out to problems and worries of life. Self help only motivates you to plan and act but one never knows how it elevates or boosts you for some time like a virtual reality. This time can be years. If I talk about my experience with it, it wastes my time of many years and energy. It has taken my precious time which I could spend with my family. It has played a vital role in disconnecting me from the people around me. It restricts me from making genuine friends and engaging with them. I felt a false sense of pride  and uniqueness which differs me from others regarding my behavior to other people. Even it may hinder one to serve others selflessly because it encourages to always look for ‘material benefit’ in whatever you do and incites to look for ‘what's in it for me’ in every walk of life. It may encourage serving but it is more related to self importance .

THE CONFUSION OR CROSSING PATHS:

Some spiritual gurus make you believe that being polite, truthful, down to earth, kind to one’s self and others thinking that nature has devised some laws which if followed, one can be satisfied with life and be in a state of joy all the time.
They teach that no matter what happens, Nature is taking care of all like a mother to her child. This is a big debate of free will and choice. If one wants he or she can develop those thoughts in mind and they present the same one except if followed properly. But again one can easily detach from  the teachings of Alan Watts, Ekhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer when he listens to Mel Robbins, Tony Robbins or Tom Biliyu.

My advice on all this after experience of years that stop wasting time and energy listening, watching and doing what all they say. Just read some books, conclude it in your own way and continue doing what is your passion from childhood, not let it be nurtured by fake goals, objectives, ambitions or purposes which are far or against or different from your nature. It includes your both mental and bodily natural inclinations. It doesn't end here. This is a very vast subject to be discussed, debated and explored.

    Thankyou for reading. Comments and suggestions will be highly appreciated which give rise to the engagement I deprive of in my life. 

BRIEF STORY OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM 9 DIFFERENT EDUCATIONAL PLACES, I ATTENDED

Is it the reason for my being a loser in life or is it the reason which enabled me to understand a lot of life matters whether its emotions, human psychology, behaviors or leanings and inclinations?. Obviously it was not my choice, nor should it be. I realized and felt sad about it when I looked upon the life of my friends. Even my brother and sister. All of them went to the same school till their college or board exams of matriculation and intermediate. Then university and straight to a job which they are still doing for many many years. My experience was totally opposite. I was sent to more than 9 educational places. Even I could choose the last 2 or 3 but the initial 5 compelled me to go by the field or already set path. Before going to how it affected my life, let's check the places briefly I attended till the age of 39. 

VILLAGE SCHOOL:

As far as i remember, I do not remember the exact age but maybe I was 3 or 4 when I was admitted to school in the village some 3,4 kilometers from our village. I was not attending school regularly due to being far or there was no pressure to go. My father was doing a job in a big city very far from the village. He visits a few weeks a year or 6 months.  I remember the feeling of pressure when I was ordered to read the lesson and I could not. Slowly I learned to read. And just after a few months of school, we moved to Karachi.

GOVERNMENT SCHOOL IN KARACHI:

My father had a government job in Karachi. So he decided to move us there. It was not that motive but something happened like a fight between tribes or casts and all the people from the village migrated to some other places. Later they returned. We also went to a village on vacations. We have lands there. I was admitted to class 2. Government school was not considered good for education. The Main memory I can share is the teacher beat all of the class with a stick on hand a day before exams just to frighten us to prepare for exams.

SINDH MODEL SCHOOL:

When I completed class 5. We moved to another vicinity and my father changed my school from government school to a private school named Sindh model school where i was 

As far as I remember, we moved to Karachi when I was admitted in class 5 which i had already passed. It was a good school. I was very happy with the friends I had. It was such a memorable time that I did not want to go home due to being happy with the friends doing jokes and talks etc.

CADET COLLEGE PETARO:

It was just after 2,3 years that my father asked me to prepare for the entrance test for cadet college. I passed the test and was admitted to class 8th which I already passed. The Schedule and routine in the college was strict. I can write a separate entry on my experience there. It was very good there; good food, good life routine, good learning stuff and good entertainment but I was fed up with punishments by the seniors and strict routine of running everyday. So I left it after a year and half. It can be said as my mistake but i was not capable of thinking for long term good for my life.  

GULISTAN SCHOOL KARACHI:

After leaving cadet college, I had to continue education so my father was admitted to Gulistan School in SMCHS society, Karachi in class 9th. There are board exams for these 4 years. So for class 9th and 10 I studied in this school and for 11 and 12 in a college named Gulshan college.

GULSHAN COLLEGE:

I have not attended all the classes here, just a few but did full NCC (national Cadet Corps )training. It was a board exam so many students rely on notes, guess papers to pass the exam. It is pitiable in Pakistan that the majority just memorize the answers and write in the exam. So did I. I had no interest in Physics, Chemistry, Biology, or Mathematics. I was fond of books on history, literature, politics etc. In my previous school I enjoyed reading some subjects like social studies, English, Sindhi. Science subjects were interesting to me but in Pakistan those are not educated to just pass the exam, not to build pupil's interest to go through research etc. So I was caught in these subjects and wrote notes to memorize for exams. Then it became necessary for me to be admitted in Engineering for inter level and then in university in Textile Engineering even if I wished to study fine arts or literature. 

MEHRAN UNIVERSITY OF ENGINEERING & TECHNOLOGY:

To get admission in this university, I had to pass the entrance test and for that I memorized a book of questions and answers named ECAT by locking myself in a room for 2 months. I memorized all the questions. This is the age if all energy supplied to any task in life, it is the best and prime age to crack all the difficulties in the way but my two months memorizing thousands of question worth nothing except getting admission in Textile Engineering, in which I could not do any progress rather I focused on what to present in university functions or events as a ‘One Man Show’ rather focus on the study and thesis for future jobs. I was just making comprehensive short listed notes and memorizing to pass the exams. This technique was not working for Engineering Drawing and Electronics, so I failed many times in these subjects and finally passed anyhow by practicing the numericals and equations. I was term-backed two times; firstly when I tried to kiss a girl persuaded and influenced by movies and second time when my attendance was not enough to progress in the next term or semester. I had a great time at university. My best friends were from Sindh university, which is for all other subjects than engineering. My closest friends were studying English Literature, Psychology and Social Science. My time was spent going to Sindh university library, reading novels and literature books rather than the library in Mehran university. I have unforgettable times in university in addition to most boring, depressive times. I intend to write about that time in my next writings.   

WATERFORD INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY:

It took 5,6 years to secure a bachelor's degree in Textile Engineering from 1998 to 2003. I  secured about 77% of marks in the final year and 66% overall for 4 years and luckily got the job of trainee engineer with a good salary of 7000 pkr compared to many others who were getting 5000 at entrance level. But I was not happy with my job due to the behavior of Managers towards me to teach me or let me learn and due to lack of my own interest, I also did not take any initiative to self learn the processes. So it just kept me busy with routine work of checking machines, making reports etc and eventually I left the job after 8,9 months. Then it was a period of doing many types of other jobs for different time lengths. It is also an interesting and tragic story of looking for different types of jobs, leaving them to get into business and then again trying some different types of jobs. I will write about it in my next blog. I did these types of jobs and a business until 2012 when I prepared to leave the country and was admitted to Waterford Institute of Technology college in Ireland. Again I was not free or entertained to study journalism or any arts subject but was bound to be admitted to the Engineering field and it was Masters of Innovative Technology Engineering. I was approached by some guys to leave the college, get admission in a cheaper college and do odd jobs to make money like many other Pakistanis do whose sole purpose is to settle . But I don't know why I continued studying hoping I will get a job after it. I had a very bad time putting my heart and soul or interest into studying and focusing on these subjects. I only loved entrepreneurship, in which I presented a comedy skit for a task to do. I was failing in subjects therefore, hardly passed without doing thesis and secured postgraduate diploma instead of masters. Even on that degree when I returned to Pakistan and was hyped to get job due to foreign degree, I failed to get job in Siemen, Textile or other companies rather end up as Distributors claim handler job in Zafa Pharmaceuticals. 

HALMSTAD UNIVERSITY, SWEDEN:

Since I was regretting returning from Ireland, I prepared again to go abroad and got admission in Halmstad university in Sweden. This time I applied for a visa for my wife and children too. In Halmstad university, my subject was Industrial Management. I deliberately tried to get admission in this discipline to avoid Engineering subjects. I was again hopeful to do an internship in any company because of my good work of doing presentations and assignments but after just 3 months when my family came to Sweden, I had to engage in odd jobs to support me and my family and compelled to leave the studies after second term, even not completed the second semester.  And due to visa issues I ended up leaving Sweden with my family. 

So these were the 9 educational places I attended. The readers can assess how tragic, interesting and unfortunate or fortunate it was for me to pass through different educational places, ending up doing different types of jobs and still looking for career options at the age of 43. What I suffered from changing schools and colleges is a big gap regarding making friends and finalizing careers etc. that cannot be filled ever, if it is about making friends. Following are cons including these two importance aspect of my life:

1. When I was in the phase of adjusting with the environment of school, feeling comfortable with it, I was taken away from it and put into a new type of environment which influenced my psychological, behavioral and mental issues.

2. I do not have long-term or closed friendships. Even I am deprived of friends to whom I can talk regularly, to go with them for tours. Camping and adventuring with them is a luxury, but I was deprived of even having coffee or tea with people. 

3. Changing institutes again and again did not let me choose a particular career. I was not in any decisive position to finalize my career and work for it. It results in making me always in survival mode, doing different types of odd jobs. It even not let me go to a bar to have a drink with someone I know or tea or coffee with a person I know. Making friends and enjoying life with them was impossible. Marriage and family can be said to be reasons to some extent but changing educational and place’s environments made it a mess from which it was difficult to choose a path and pursue it. 

These are many other repercussions of not being let in one educational place till the end or for long term but above stated are the main and enough to make one a loser or different in life.  

On the other hand, there are some pros, and here are these:

1. Meeting different types of people, experiencing different types of environments and many aspects which can make you mentally strong and not be taken away by particular thinking, mode or approach to life. 

2. I experienced a different approach to education from each place I studied. I have noted what type of education is given in government schools, how much a private school is concerned about educating students, what is the strategy of cadet colleges for provision of education and training to its students and lastly how they treat. 

3. I explored many types of educational and behavioral environments. It made me mentally strong to be adjusted in any type of environment. It enhanced my coping power to deal with stress, trauma and any type of anxiety. And I have seen different colors of life. 

Having free time has become a positive phenomena for me to at least figure out somehow intending or planning what to do in my remaining life. One of which is to write all about my past experiences and opinion on subjects I passed through and intend to claim those moments I was deprived of. On the other hand it made me poorer when it was about feeding my family.  But I am hopeful that maybe I will figure out some ways to make money and lead a life I want. We are waiting for visa and job permission but I promise that I will not leave the writing which I started. I request the readers to comment, though I will write all about my life experiences in coming blogs but readers can ask details in every blog. That will make it easy for me to write. Also I request readers to suggest. But I think one needs to know everything first. So please do not hesitate to ask and comment. Lastly I request readers to share this as much as they can. My purpose here is to express myself, talk about my opinion, perspective, talk about issues, show my work and more importantly make friends and engage with them as much as possible. 

Thank You very much for reading. 

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3D OF MY JOBS: DAZZLING, DIVERSE AND DESTINED Part-3 THE ‘TAKE OUTS’ FROM BRIEF HISTORY OF THE DIFFERENT JOBS I DID

 

Before the ‘Take Outs’ or ‘Conclusions’, lets quickly be done with last job in Pakistan and prepare to go to Sweden.

MY LAST JOB IN PAKISTAN AND PREPARING FOR SWEDEN

When I returned from Ireland, again I was desperately looking for a job for survival needs for the family, end up in getting a job in a Pharmaceutical company,  where after doing some labor jobs, I was sent to the upper floor to handle the company's distributors claims. I did this job until I got the visa for study in Halmstad Sweden for which I had taken IELTS, a test for English proficiency again.

I was regretting my return from Ireland as heaven to hell, sky to earth and from a beautiful park to garbage hoarding. I contacted a consultant again who helped me get admission in Ireland. He suggested Sweden this time where I can go with my family. But he demanded the fees before starting the application process. Therefore, I did all myself to apply. During this application, I applied for a scholarship in China also but that was rejected due to not having a Master’s degree. Therefore, it wasted a year. 

I was regretting my return from Ireland as heaven to hell, sky to gutter and from a beautiful park to garbage hoarding.

I was admitted in the sept 2017 session in Sweden but the result of scholarship form China came in November So I went to Sweden in August 2018. After just 3,4 months of classes I started looking for jobs. I was again hopeful to do an internship in any company because of my good work of doing presentations and assignments but after just 3 months when my family came to Sweden, I had to engage in odd jobs to support me and my family and was compelled to leave the studies after second term, even not completed the second semester.   

JOBS IN SWEDEN AND ENJOYING THE MUSIC RIDES

I applied for jobs in restaurants and companies but got the job in delivery services. I started delivering food on bike with Foodora. My second job was with Mr. Butler, who was a contractor for the company “Best” in which I was delivering Electronics and Medical packages. I did a weekend job distributing reklam in the initial days at Laholm. Also did newspaper distributing jobs for VTD in Hogsbo, Gothenburg for a week or two as a replacement worker.

I know no more require GPS for any address in Gothenburg

I did a job for Foodora for more than 2 years, getting a permanent contract from them. Did more than a year's work for Mr. Butler . In December 2020, I got a reply from Uber for doing a delivery job for them, which I applied 2 years ago.  I used to know all the addresses in Gothenburg and after a year I know no more require GPS for any address in Gothenburg. and I was enjoying music, podcasts and my favorite programs on headphone while working. I continued job in Uber Eats.

Foodora compelled me to discontinue my job due to my visa. My protest was. ‘‘Why do you provide a permanent contract when someone can not work permanently”.

PROS, CONS AND CONCLUSIONS

So there are more than 13 jobs I did. All are different from each other. Look at the fields which are totally different from what I studied. I studied Textile Engineering and Management and some of my later jobs are Clerical for a Medicine company, Supervisory for Sox making company, Scanner, Waiter at restaurant, Security Officer, Delivery boy and even I did call center job for a week. 

I studied Textile Engineering and Management and some of my later jobs are Clerical for a Medicine company, Supervisory for Sox making and Wet processing companies, Scanner, Waiter, Security Officer, Delivery boy and even I did call center jobs.

One can say jack of all trades but I am interested, engaged and busy in a different mindset than all of these fields I stated. I was fond of reading columns, watching programs on history, politics, social science, literature, philosophy, spirituality, self help etc.

So dear readers. I tried to be brief about my job experiences. Now lets look at my observations from all of this.

Here are main observations, lessons or takeaways from the jobs I did:

INTEREST, CURIOSITY AND MOTIVATION MATTERS:

From my first job as trainee engineer, though it was a new type of environment to be adjusted, I felt it so boring when I had to do nothing constructive or productive. No one was willing to teach or inform about the process. It is a pitiable situation in third world countries like Pakistan that everyone is feared by others ability.

Secondly there was no intention by the company to motivate its employees. It was only the need to survive which insisted people to work.

Everyone is feared by others ability.

The only thing that matters is one’s own interest and curiosity. Interest triggers ‘the will to do’ and that was a will which has taken my colleague Tariq from a learner to Manager. For me in all the jobs I did, there was nothing attractive that insisted me to stick and persist the work.

Interest triggers ‘the will to do’

On the other hand, if only one thing there could be from my circle of interests. I would have progressed in that work or created ways to explore that. 

INSPIRATION AND PASSION IN LIFE CONTINUOUSLY COMPEL YOU TO ACT NO MATTER WHAT CONDITIONS

In jobs in all textile factories (Nakshbandi, United Towel and Prime Fabrics) I had no goal to achieve. I was doing the first job just to pass the time. I had no urge to make money. A month I hardly managed to go everyday and secured the whole salary of 7000. Later the behavior of people around me was bad, which catalyzed my feeling to get rid of the place as soon as possible.  

enjoying music, podcasts and my favorite programs on headphone while working

Since I was married in 2008, after that all the jobs I was struggling for, I did only to support me and my family. Scanning and Supervisory in Sox factory were short term but my last job where I felt comfortable was clerical job in Pharmaceuticals. The behavior of colleagues and people there was good but their lack of intellect bothered me to leave the place. In addition to this, I was scared due to their mindset about daily conversation where I could not say ‘Thank God’. Only thing was loving during job that I was reading Ekhart Tolle’s book on given computer after office work and can print it to gift someone I love. 

FINAL WORDS

During all the jobs, my concern was to read books on literature, Philosophy, Political affairs, History, Human Rights etc. Reading columns, watching and engaging in such content and movies was my passion. But, I was delaying and delaying the reading of books, programs, reviving my interests and pursuing my passion. That lead me finally to launch My YouTube Channel. And this Blog Site .

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3D OF MY JOBS: DAZZLING, DIVERSE AND DESTINED Part-2 THE ‘TAKE OUTS’ FROM BRIEF HISTORY OF THE DIFFERENT JOBS I DID

Lets dive into the next challenges about my job experiences and life:

SUPERVISOR IN SOX MAKING FACTORY AND WAITING TO FLY ABROAD

Whenever my job ended or I had left it, I desperately was looking for another job in any field even by standing in line for labor jobs.  And after struggling too much, I got a machine worker job in a sox making factory. Later I was given supervisory tasks due to my bachelor’s degree. I did that job for almost a year. 

I was in touch with my friend who was my colleague in my first job. My salary was 7000PKR and his was 5000, But he was interested in what he was doin, so he worked hard and learned to make a career in it. 

I worked there until I got a visa for Ireland

When I requested him to get me a job in his factory after leaving my 5th job, he got me Supervisor job in that factory. He was manager there and was making 50000 PKR. It was due to his consistency, interest and hard work which I was lacking due to inclination. He suggested the owner appoint me to look at the work done on wet processing and finishing machines. I do not have a lot of work to do there.

I was just waiting for the evening to leave that filthy factory

I worked there until I got a visa for Ireland in 2013 for which I was trying for one year. Before that I was admitted to university in China but my father did not permit me to go there. 

JOBS IN IRELAND: SECURITY IN MUSICAL CONCERTS AND FOOTBALL MATCHES

I took admission in Technology Institute in Waterford, Ireland, which I had to do despite being interested in studying Arts subjects. The details of my educational background compelled me to progress in the same field. 

Like Jobs, I was compelled to change educational places. Read about that in my UPCOMING BLOG about my different educational places’.

I was approached by some guys to leave that college, get admission in a cheaper college and do odd jobs to make money like many other Pakistanis do, whose sole purpose is to get a visa to live there. But I don't know why I continued studying hoping I will get a job after it. I had a very bad time putting my heart and soul or interest into studying and focusing on these subjects. I only loved Entrepreneurship, in which I presented a comedy skit for a task to do. 

For survival and to pay the rent in the first year, I did jobs as a ‘waiter’ and ‘cook’ in an Indian Restaurant in Dungarvan and Lenox Burger shop in Cork respectively. I was struggling for many months for a security job. I passed the test for  ‘Security-License’ and a ‘Safe-pass’ necessary to get a Security officer job.

I only loved Entrepreneurship Subject, in which I presented a comedy skit for a task to do. 

Later after a year when I was living on a job search visa, I was working in two big companies MCR and BRINKS. It was a good job with a good salary. For MCR I was working on construction sites, an office and then at the Dublin Airport. And for Brinks did security during Football and Rugby matches and Musical concerts in Dublin stadiums.

When my visa expired, I could get a new one but I returned to Pakistan due to the bad health condition of my son Ryan. I was an indecisive person which can easily be taken away emotionally and psychologically. 

I could get a new one but..

NEXT PARTS HEADINGS AND HIGHLIGHTS:

• LAST JOB IN PAKISTAN AND PREPARING FOR SWEDEN

• JOBS IN SWEDEN: ENJOY RIDING THE MUSIC

• PROS AND CONS: THE CONCLUSION

Thankyou for reading. 

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