SOME OF PITFALLS AND PROS OF “SELF-HELP books and audios”, I EXPERIENCE

 

THE DEEP INDULGENCE:

It was summer of 2021 when I was deeply indulged in reading, listening  to books, watching many many programs on self help. Some years before that I was aware of Mindvalley in 2014 or 2015. Then I was considering whether this company is assessing and looking for talented people for jobs. Later I learned that it's about healing people's stress by meditation, mind control and other psychotherapy type techniques. I listened to the founder of the company who often starts his story with being jobless, wandering in silicon valley, sleeping on the sofa not enough to sleep straight in his friend’s house for a few months and then how he becomes successful just following silva mind control methods and many other techniques and meditations he sells.  

BACKGROUND OF ATTRACTION TO MODERN SELF-HELP:

Meditation to me was sort of a spiritual practice. I have read books on it by Shamsuddin Azeemi, a Pakistani spiritual guru named ‘Muraqba’ and by Osho. Later engaged in listening to other self help motivational speakers who turned out to be different from him. 

I do not remember the exact time in my childhood or young age when I was involved in spirituality but after reading children’s magazines, Sunday magazines of newspapers, books on sufi poetry, I found a magazine called ‘Roohani Digest’. (spiritual digest). And during that time my relative and I came from Saudi Arabia. We both tried telepathy and some types of practices for these kinds of things like observing the candle light for half an hour to an hour time, reciting verses from holy books in opposite directions etc. just for fun and seeing the unknown or magic things or trying to make objects or bodies invisible. When I went through that spiritual magazine, I saw many people writing their meditation experiences of going into a world far from this earth, galaxies, space, meeting people from the past, the sages and the dead, angels and prophets. These experiences amazed me and instigated me to go through the process of excitement. In that I was also passing through psychological issues. It's a big story and I will write in another blog. I was in rage and wanted to beat or hurt my relative because he is more liked due to his cleverness or sharpness and I was disliked due to my politeness and non social attitude. But I recognized the mental issue I was facing and went to the hospital and they just gave me pills for sleeping. I was not satisfied with that so I went to the clinic, specified in spiritual digest. Actually the owner of this digest owns a clinic, a meditation center and he was son of a spiritual guru or a Sufi personality. His name was Shamsuddin Azeemi whose son Waqar Yusuf Azeemi started the clinic and digest. I went to his clinic, he gave me some medicine and told me to eat some 250g ‘jilebi’ , a sweet daily after receding something on it. Also I bought a book on meditation called ‘Muraqba’ written by his father. That was a great insightful book. Gradually I became a follower of him and I was given a task of 21 days of meditation and I had to send my experiences. I was excited to see some strange things, tour of space etc. but all this I was experiencing only at the level of imagining during meditation. Therefore, I left the practice but continued to read the digest every month. I was religious so after being fanatic like Wahabi, i became soft after reading this digest and books on Sufism and sufi personalities like ‘Kashful mahjoob’, poetry by Shah Latif, Sachal Sarmast, Baba Farid, Abdul Qadir jellani and many others. I was fond of Khalil Jibran books also but Khalil jibran, Osho and Rumi were presenting slightly different views of life and this world. Anyway, Later from 2008 I was following Ghamidi, Zakir Naik type of religious preachers, programs on tv like ‘alif’, ‘mazahib aur aqle insani’(religions and human intellect) etc  and in 2015-2016 I read ‘Power of now’ and then ‘The new earth’ by same author Ekhart Tolle. I watched a full series on her book by Oprah Winfrey show. I was watching ‘Leo gura’ , a YouTube channel that was influenced by Hindu philosophy. Later I read books by Wayne Dyer, Gary Zuko, listened to Deepak Chopra, Brian Tracy, Sandeep Maheshwari and many others. When I read books by Vishen Lakhiani of mind valley, listened to his talks in addition to talks by Tom Biliyu, Tony Robbins and then read books ‘Atomic habits’, ‘Think and Grow Rich’, ‘I will make you rich’, ‘I will make you thin’, ‘Monk who sold his ferrari’, ‘Budha and Badass’, 5 Seconds Rule, and books like these’, I found them very different than the writers and speakers i was listening before. But I was addicted to listening to them very often and tried what they suggested. For many months I was confused between the first series of people who recommend calmness, patience, everything come by its own, law of attraction, selfless behavior, service to people, detachment etc on the other hand the later incite to go hard with yourself to achieve goals, success, fame, scheduling, strict routine. During all those many years, I was amazed and felt at top when listening to them. It was like I made a bubble of utopia and I was visiting there while listening to these or reading such books. But in reality nothing has changed. I remember in childhood or young age, I had a set routine and I was doing the stuff regularly but when I read a few books by Dale Karneigi, it intrigued me to leave the routine and become free from doing stuff regularly. Many years later, I realized that his teaching ruined my life. I became lazy, lethargic and found refuge and crux of life in just release of dopamine by watching comedy, sensual type of videos and addicted to porn. I had a directionless life. These books incited me to give it direction but the ‘Why’, meaning and purpose of life’ etc. was still not clear to me. I was making plans, goals but double minded and  thinking to pursue or not pursue and importantly why pursue when some other spiritual guru says another thing. Then just taken away by the talk, a book and after that back to the same feeling of unease. It was like a booze time which elevates me and then when I wake up to see what has changed in my life. It was less than nothing. I was with my family, had to survive and support them but could not devise any way to make money. When one searches for motivational speakers, google opens a list of some of the above people but in the same category . But I would say that there are two categories; spiritual and self help. Spirituality to me is ‘you are not yourself  but a being. Here the ‘self’ means ego form which you can get rid of .You have to just surrender, be kind to yourself and others, be passionate, love what you do, and be what you naturally are and there is a higher power who will take care of all the other matters including survival and financial. On the other hand, self help is ‘help or take actions no matter if it's against your bodily or mental nature, be hard on yourself to become something you want. There is no higher power but you and only you who can change your trajectory’. Briefly If I write what I learned from both the categories,  i would say what spirituality offers is:

Stress-free life.(If you understand and experience deeply, you will find a space in you, which is so huge that it can take all your worries, tensions, anxiety and it left you empty to react to any matter or person. It's a complete surrender. It regard life as a dream, a game or an experience)  

On the other hand all the later personalities i have stated above incite you to do things for which you are not destined to do or reach there. It may sound like it is deviating your thoughts from rationality but it defines rationality in a different broader perspective.

If one looks for solutions and way out to problems and worries of life. Self help only motivates you to plan and act but one never knows how it elevates or boosts you for some time like a virtual reality. This time can be years. If I talk about my experience with it, it wastes my time of many years and energy. It has taken my precious time which I could spend with my family. It has played a vital role in disconnecting me from the people around me. It restricts me from making genuine friends and engaging with them. I felt a false sense of pride  and uniqueness which differs me from others regarding my behavior to other people. Even it may hinder one to serve others selflessly because it encourages to always look for ‘material benefit’ in whatever you do and incites to look for ‘what's in it for me’ in every walk of life. It may encourage serving but it is more related to self importance .

THE CONFUSION OR CROSSING PATHS:

Some spiritual gurus make you believe that being polite, truthful, down to earth, kind to one’s self and others thinking that nature has devised some laws which if followed, one can be satisfied with life and be in a state of joy all the time.
They teach that no matter what happens, Nature is taking care of all like a mother to her child. This is a big debate of free will and choice. If one wants he or she can develop those thoughts in mind and they present the same one except if followed properly. But again one can easily detach from  the teachings of Alan Watts, Ekhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer when he listens to Mel Robbins, Tony Robbins or Tom Biliyu.

My advice on all this after experience of years that stop wasting time and energy listening, watching and doing what all they say. Just read some books, conclude it in your own way and continue doing what is your passion from childhood, not let it be nurtured by fake goals, objectives, ambitions or purposes which are far or against or different from your nature. It includes your both mental and bodily natural inclinations. It doesn't end here. This is a very vast subject to be discussed, debated and explored.

    Thankyou for reading. Comments and suggestions will be highly appreciated which give rise to the engagement I deprive of in my life. 

BRIEF STORY OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM 9 DIFFERENT EDUCATIONAL PLACES, I ATTENDED

Is it the reason for my being a loser in life or is it the reason which enabled me to understand a lot of life matters whether its emotions, human psychology, behaviors or leanings and inclinations?. Obviously it was not my choice, nor should it be. I realized and felt sad about it when I looked upon the life of my friends. Even my brother and sister. All of them went to the same school till their college or board exams of matriculation and intermediate. Then university and straight to a job which they are still doing for many many years. My experience was totally opposite. I was sent to more than 9 educational places. Even I could choose the last 2 or 3 but the initial 5 compelled me to go by the field or already set path. Before going to how it affected my life, let's check the places briefly I attended till the age of 39. 

VILLAGE SCHOOL:

As far as i remember, I do not remember the exact age but maybe I was 3 or 4 when I was admitted to school in the village some 3,4 kilometers from our village. I was not attending school regularly due to being far or there was no pressure to go. My father was doing a job in a big city very far from the village. He visits a few weeks a year or 6 months.  I remember the feeling of pressure when I was ordered to read the lesson and I could not. Slowly I learned to read. And just after a few months of school, we moved to Karachi.

GOVERNMENT SCHOOL IN KARACHI:

My father had a government job in Karachi. So he decided to move us there. It was not that motive but something happened like a fight between tribes or casts and all the people from the village migrated to some other places. Later they returned. We also went to a village on vacations. We have lands there. I was admitted to class 2. Government school was not considered good for education. The Main memory I can share is the teacher beat all of the class with a stick on hand a day before exams just to frighten us to prepare for exams.

SINDH MODEL SCHOOL:

When I completed class 5. We moved to another vicinity and my father changed my school from government school to a private school named Sindh model school where i was 

As far as I remember, we moved to Karachi when I was admitted in class 5 which i had already passed. It was a good school. I was very happy with the friends I had. It was such a memorable time that I did not want to go home due to being happy with the friends doing jokes and talks etc.

CADET COLLEGE PETARO:

It was just after 2,3 years that my father asked me to prepare for the entrance test for cadet college. I passed the test and was admitted to class 8th which I already passed. The Schedule and routine in the college was strict. I can write a separate entry on my experience there. It was very good there; good food, good life routine, good learning stuff and good entertainment but I was fed up with punishments by the seniors and strict routine of running everyday. So I left it after a year and half. It can be said as my mistake but i was not capable of thinking for long term good for my life.  

GULISTAN SCHOOL KARACHI:

After leaving cadet college, I had to continue education so my father was admitted to Gulistan School in SMCHS society, Karachi in class 9th. There are board exams for these 4 years. So for class 9th and 10 I studied in this school and for 11 and 12 in a college named Gulshan college.

GULSHAN COLLEGE:

I have not attended all the classes here, just a few but did full NCC (national Cadet Corps )training. It was a board exam so many students rely on notes, guess papers to pass the exam. It is pitiable in Pakistan that the majority just memorize the answers and write in the exam. So did I. I had no interest in Physics, Chemistry, Biology, or Mathematics. I was fond of books on history, literature, politics etc. In my previous school I enjoyed reading some subjects like social studies, English, Sindhi. Science subjects were interesting to me but in Pakistan those are not educated to just pass the exam, not to build pupil's interest to go through research etc. So I was caught in these subjects and wrote notes to memorize for exams. Then it became necessary for me to be admitted in Engineering for inter level and then in university in Textile Engineering even if I wished to study fine arts or literature. 

MEHRAN UNIVERSITY OF ENGINEERING & TECHNOLOGY:

To get admission in this university, I had to pass the entrance test and for that I memorized a book of questions and answers named ECAT by locking myself in a room for 2 months. I memorized all the questions. This is the age if all energy supplied to any task in life, it is the best and prime age to crack all the difficulties in the way but my two months memorizing thousands of question worth nothing except getting admission in Textile Engineering, in which I could not do any progress rather I focused on what to present in university functions or events as a ‘One Man Show’ rather focus on the study and thesis for future jobs. I was just making comprehensive short listed notes and memorizing to pass the exams. This technique was not working for Engineering Drawing and Electronics, so I failed many times in these subjects and finally passed anyhow by practicing the numericals and equations. I was term-backed two times; firstly when I tried to kiss a girl persuaded and influenced by movies and second time when my attendance was not enough to progress in the next term or semester. I had a great time at university. My best friends were from Sindh university, which is for all other subjects than engineering. My closest friends were studying English Literature, Psychology and Social Science. My time was spent going to Sindh university library, reading novels and literature books rather than the library in Mehran university. I have unforgettable times in university in addition to most boring, depressive times. I intend to write about that time in my next writings.   

WATERFORD INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY:

It took 5,6 years to secure a bachelor's degree in Textile Engineering from 1998 to 2003. I  secured about 77% of marks in the final year and 66% overall for 4 years and luckily got the job of trainee engineer with a good salary of 7000 pkr compared to many others who were getting 5000 at entrance level. But I was not happy with my job due to the behavior of Managers towards me to teach me or let me learn and due to lack of my own interest, I also did not take any initiative to self learn the processes. So it just kept me busy with routine work of checking machines, making reports etc and eventually I left the job after 8,9 months. Then it was a period of doing many types of other jobs for different time lengths. It is also an interesting and tragic story of looking for different types of jobs, leaving them to get into business and then again trying some different types of jobs. I will write about it in my next blog. I did these types of jobs and a business until 2012 when I prepared to leave the country and was admitted to Waterford Institute of Technology college in Ireland. Again I was not free or entertained to study journalism or any arts subject but was bound to be admitted to the Engineering field and it was Masters of Innovative Technology Engineering. I was approached by some guys to leave the college, get admission in a cheaper college and do odd jobs to make money like many other Pakistanis do whose sole purpose is to settle . But I don't know why I continued studying hoping I will get a job after it. I had a very bad time putting my heart and soul or interest into studying and focusing on these subjects. I only loved entrepreneurship, in which I presented a comedy skit for a task to do. I was failing in subjects therefore, hardly passed without doing thesis and secured postgraduate diploma instead of masters. Even on that degree when I returned to Pakistan and was hyped to get job due to foreign degree, I failed to get job in Siemen, Textile or other companies rather end up as Distributors claim handler job in Zafa Pharmaceuticals. 

HALMSTAD UNIVERSITY, SWEDEN:

Since I was regretting returning from Ireland, I prepared again to go abroad and got admission in Halmstad university in Sweden. This time I applied for a visa for my wife and children too. In Halmstad university, my subject was Industrial Management. I deliberately tried to get admission in this discipline to avoid Engineering subjects. I was again hopeful to do an internship in any company because of my good work of doing presentations and assignments but after just 3 months when my family came to Sweden, I had to engage in odd jobs to support me and my family and compelled to leave the studies after second term, even not completed the second semester.  And due to visa issues I ended up leaving Sweden with my family. 

So these were the 9 educational places I attended. The readers can assess how tragic, interesting and unfortunate or fortunate it was for me to pass through different educational places, ending up doing different types of jobs and still looking for career options at the age of 43. What I suffered from changing schools and colleges is a big gap regarding making friends and finalizing careers etc. that cannot be filled ever, if it is about making friends. Following are cons including these two importance aspect of my life:

1. When I was in the phase of adjusting with the environment of school, feeling comfortable with it, I was taken away from it and put into a new type of environment which influenced my psychological, behavioral and mental issues.

2. I do not have long-term or closed friendships. Even I am deprived of friends to whom I can talk regularly, to go with them for tours. Camping and adventuring with them is a luxury, but I was deprived of even having coffee or tea with people. 

3. Changing institutes again and again did not let me choose a particular career. I was not in any decisive position to finalize my career and work for it. It results in making me always in survival mode, doing different types of odd jobs. It even not let me go to a bar to have a drink with someone I know or tea or coffee with a person I know. Making friends and enjoying life with them was impossible. Marriage and family can be said to be reasons to some extent but changing educational and place’s environments made it a mess from which it was difficult to choose a path and pursue it. 

These are many other repercussions of not being let in one educational place till the end or for long term but above stated are the main and enough to make one a loser or different in life.  

On the other hand, there are some pros, and here are these:

1. Meeting different types of people, experiencing different types of environments and many aspects which can make you mentally strong and not be taken away by particular thinking, mode or approach to life. 

2. I experienced a different approach to education from each place I studied. I have noted what type of education is given in government schools, how much a private school is concerned about educating students, what is the strategy of cadet colleges for provision of education and training to its students and lastly how they treat. 

3. I explored many types of educational and behavioral environments. It made me mentally strong to be adjusted in any type of environment. It enhanced my coping power to deal with stress, trauma and any type of anxiety. And I have seen different colors of life. 

Having free time has become a positive phenomena for me to at least figure out somehow intending or planning what to do in my remaining life. One of which is to write all about my past experiences and opinion on subjects I passed through and intend to claim those moments I was deprived of. On the other hand it made me poorer when it was about feeding my family.  But I am hopeful that maybe I will figure out some ways to make money and lead a life I want. We are waiting for visa and job permission but I promise that I will not leave the writing which I started. I request the readers to comment, though I will write all about my life experiences in coming blogs but readers can ask details in every blog. That will make it easy for me to write. Also I request readers to suggest. But I think one needs to know everything first. So please do not hesitate to ask and comment. Lastly I request readers to share this as much as they can. My purpose here is to express myself, talk about my opinion, perspective, talk about issues, show my work and more importantly make friends and engage with them as much as possible. 

Thank You very much for reading. 

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